Sign up for In Part I, we looked at the house church as the standard meeting place for fellowship in the first century. We saw that these meetings were dynamic and interactive: all members participated, gifts were exercised, and Christ was central. Fueled by the Holy Spirit, the local body of Christ, the house church, developed and grew organically. We suggested that the house church was an excellent venue for fellowship in our time, especially for those who preferred not to join a traditional church. We saw that starting a house church is as easy as inviting people over for a meal. However, keeping it going can be a challenge. In this article, we will look at how to maintain our house church as it grows and develops.
In 1965, Bruce Tuckman proposed a view of group development called the FormingStorming-Norming-Performing model. It turns out that it is remarkably applicable to house churches. Understanding this model, and knowing beforehand some of the crisis points, will aid in helping the house church deal with them effectively.
In the Forming phase, people are on their best behavior. There is excitement about the new house church. No one wants to rock the boat. Everyone is trying to understand where they fit in and what the group’s objectives are. They rarely vocalize disagreement. Politeness and manners tend to rule, but commitment is minimal. People generally adopt a “wait and see” position.
In the Storming phase, conflicts begin to arise. Who is leading? What is the agenda? Whose house will we meet in next week? Will there be singing? What about Bible study? This phase is uncomfortable but is necessary for growth. Clear and honest communication is required if the house church will continue to grow. Stifling discussion or not airing issues will only ensure they will return later with greater severity. It is critical to work through problems as a group and make sure everyone is heard. Conflict should be seen as positive--an opportunity for greater understanding and growth.
If the house church survives the Storming phase, it is in good shape and will enter the Norming phase. Roles are better understood. Trust is increasing. Rules and goals are agreed to. There is good participation from all members. Sometimes, however, “over-norming” can occur, where the rules are very rigid and dissent is frowned upon. This will stifle creativity and take the joy out of the meetings. If one person tends to control the meetings, then perhaps suggest a rotating facilitator. If some members seem reluctant to speak, encourage them.
Another danger in the Norming phase is “groupthink”. In groupthink, the members are focused on harmony above all else. They all want happy, joyous meetings and see conflict as bad. The problem, however, is that issues are ignored. No one wants to be the spoiler. So the group merrily drifts down the river in their happy boat, not realizing there are rocks approaching. The person that did see the rocks did not want to interrupt the joyful party! In the Norming phase, we still need to talk about issues and address conflict if the group is to remain healthy.
In the Performing phase, the house church has reached a high level of trust and intimacy. The members truly enjoy each other’s company in the presence of the Lord, and are interdependent. There is a high degree of creativity and energy. Each member’s gifts are recognized and exercised for the building up of the body of Christ. Principled, agape love is prevalent. God is glorified in the midst of his people. The house church has arrived at spiritual harmony.
However, the journey does not end here. A change in membership, goals, or circumstances can cause the house church to revert to earlier phases. For example, a new couple may join and the house church will need to spend some time getting to know them and vice versa. We may regress to the Forming phase for a while. However, the group has already experienced passing through the various phases of growth and so can demonstrate patience, knowing the way forward is sure.
As the house church traverses these phases of growth, there will be times when conflict will arise. Questions of leadership are common. Some members may have different backgrounds than others and feel strongly about certain doctrines or practices. Some like modern worship songs, others like the traditional songs, and some do not like singing at all. Some people like to laugh and experience the joy of the Lord; others think Christianity is a very serious business. How can a house church deal with such conflicts in a constructive way?
The Bible offers many good suggestions. Jesus said Christians will be known by the love they have for each other (Jn 13:35). The Greek word is agape, meaning a principled love, a love that puts God’s best for the other person as our chief goal. This may mean tolerating someone’s personal view even if we do not agree with it. In Part I, we suggested that a guiding principle should be, In Essentials Unity, in Non-Essentials Freedom, and in All Things Love. Allowing freedom in non-essentials takes patience, tact, and an empathetic heart that wants to truly understand the other person. All of us need to continually work on this fruitage of the spirit.
The area of communication is paramount. Much of society today is very political. People do not say what they mean or mean what they say. Many politicians and business leaders habitually lie and manipulate the public. Christians must not be like this. We are to let our yes mean yes, and our no mean no (Mt 5:37). We are to hold truth close to our hearts (Jn 8:32). In practice, this means that we are to be clear and forthright in our communications with our brethren. We don’t need to swear an oath to make ourselves believable. In fact, Jesus warns that such communication is “from the evil one”. There is no place for political, manipulative behavior among God’s people. We must speak truth from the heart.
To work through conflict constructively, Christians need to forgive one another; be kind and compassionate to one another (Eph 4:32); accept one another (Ro 15:7); bear with one another (Eph 4:2); exhort one another (Heb.3:13); encourage and comfort one another (1 Thess 4:18); and pray for each other (Jas 5:16). We should consider others as superior to us, and be willing to take a lesser role if it means others will benefit (Phil 2:3). We need to keep our Lord Jesus in mind. He was not above washing his disciples’ feet, or hanging on a cross in agony for them. We must follow his example.
In summary, a typical house church will go through four stages of growth. As the church develops, conflicts will invariably arise. This is normal. Rather than stifling it, we should see conflict as an opportunity for greater understanding—a challenge to be overcome. By clearly communicating with agape love, empathy, honesty, and a thorough dose of “one anothering”, we will get through these crises points and learn from them. Our house church will grow and bear fruit, to the glory of the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
